Raising Gifted Children

Many parents envy those who are raising gifted children, yet the task is not always easy. Raising gifted children can be a roller coaster ride of emotions, from the highest joys to the deepest of lows. Sometimes, these emotional extremes can occur in the same day or even the same hour!

Nature vs Nurture

Canadian Psychologist, Professor Françoys Gagné, who has specialised in the area of gifted education for many years now, identifies gifted children as those who possess outstanding natural abilities that place them within the top 10% of their aged peers in various areas (or domains) intellectual, creative, social, perceptual, muscular and motor control (sports). He outlines this in his Differentiated Model of Giftedness and Talent (DMGT 2008).

Gagné also points out that these innate gifts will only be transformed into talents if various factors are evident or nurtured in the child. These include the intrapersonal elements: motivation, awareness (by self and others), physical and mental traits and developmental process – along with the environmental support and investment of those around them.

For instance, a child who has the natural physique of a swimmer may never become an Olympic Gold Medallist without the drive and tenacity and the coaching of a dedicated individual. Similarly, a child who possesses a gift in writing may only realise this potential if challenged to perfect a story by editing and fine tuning various drafts.

Whilst these children perform at an exceptionally high level in one or many of these areas, they also exhibit significant extremes in their behaviour and their day to day lives. They will often put enormous pressure on themselves even from a very young age and will be devastated if they are not able to meet their perceived expectations.

Perfectionism and Building Resilience

Perfectionism is common among these gifted children. If they do not feel they can complete a task perfectly, they may not even attempt it. For instance, a young child may not tie his/her shoe laces until it can be done perfectly. In later years, this can translate into the failure to submit an assessment piece to their teacher on time because the student does not feel that it is completed flawlessly.

Gifted children will often hate to let others down. Whilst they constantly strive to please their parents, their peers and their teachers, they also may continue to overcommit, so that they do not let any of these people down. The fear is that these children will “burn out” rather than accept that they cannot be everything to everyone. It is up to parents to step in and ensure they are not overdoing it, especially in their later secondary school years.

It is therefore important for young children to learn to “fail” (and thus start to build their resilience) early in their lives. Parents need to encourage risk taking behaviours in their children, as many of these young people do not want to step outside their comfort zones. As a family, it is recommended that parents, along with their children, undertake activities in which they all experience “failure” and realise it is not the end of the world. Push aside the inherent competitive feelings and then laugh out loud after the experience.

By observing this role modelling of behaviour, children will be better prepared to deal with disappointment later in their own lives. The difficulty here though, is that gifted parents often do not cope well with risk taking or with undertaking an activity at which they are likely to fail! As the children’s role models, parents of gifted children need to show that they don’t always succeed. Failure or disappointment is a very important part of the process of learning and succeeding. It also develops resilient young people.

Decision Making

Decision making is also quite difficult for gifted children (and often gifted adults). It is complex for a gifted person to choose from a multitude of options open to him or her. After considering all the options, weighing up the pros and cons and then keeping in mind all the possible layers of meaning, gifted people find it too hard to settle on one decision.

For instance, a child asked to clean his or her room may have a totally different interpretation of the task from that of his or her parents. In the child’s mind, it could be rearranging all the books on the bookshelf according to size (this week), or colour or alphabetical order according to the author’s surname; or reorganising the Pokémon cards according to HD points and then, not happy with this, starting again to catalogue the cards according to “type”.

Meanwhile, the dust still gathers on the child’s drawers and the dirty clothes are not removed from the bedroom and taken into the laundry, but the child feels a sense of achievement at completing the task assigned, well in his or her mind at least!

Choosing Schools

Finding the right school for gifted children can, of course, be challenging. These children need daily challenges in their education if they are to thrive and avoid boredom. They need to be extended laterally and to delve deeper into their understanding of concepts. The alternative for these children can often be to stimulate themselves, sometimes by disrupting their classmates. This can then be challenging for teachers today.

Fostering Creativity

Creativity also needs to be encouraged. If these children (and adults) can harness their clever minds and their insightful interpretations of subtle nuances and are willing to take risks, they can produce amazing creative masterpieces in music composition, poetry, paintings and drawings, photography, stage designs, costumes, play scripts, film productions and so on. The list is endless. However, the gifted brain can often be hard-wired to think analytically and creativity can then be stifled if the child is not challenged to think outside the box.

Expanded Moral Awareness

Another area of difficulty for parents to deal with is that of expanded moral awareness. These children are overly concerned by the injustices in society, with cruelty to animals, with fighting and war across the world and closer to home, with blatant bullying in the playground, or even with teachers who are seen to be favouring one child over another in class. It is almost impossible for the child to accept that the world is not fair and that degrees of prejudice and inequality will unfortunately always be a part of life.

The desire to right the wrongs and help solve the world’s problems may perhaps one day lead these gifted young people to take on aid work overseas or volunteer in soup kitchens or protest against the slaughter of animals for their ivory tusks or precious skin. It is the undying commitment and passion that will in fact bring about change for the better.

Risk Taking

There needs to be a fine line between allowing children to stay in their comfort zone or be extended beyond it. However, by challenging the child to move beyond the easy road and to take the path less travelled, amazing results can be achieved. Perseverance, tenacity, call it what you will, are valuable traits to acquire. When everything comes easily to these children, they may not even consider taking risks for themselves.

Riding High

Whilst all this sounds difficult for parents to deal with, there are also lots of highs to share. The sheer joy experienced by a child who solves complex mathematical problems or the pianist who plays a difficult musical piece after hours of practice or the sports star who does a personal best in competition, is wonderful. Parents can seek support from organisations such as the Queensland Association of Gifted and Talented Children, which offer regular information and support seminars or workshops for parents as well as activities for gifted children.

So, if you have a gifted child who shows signs of a brilliant memory or exceptional strengths in various areas, strap yourself in, hold your breath and prepare to enjoy the ride of your life…